how to get everything you want - the art of focus and refrain

Cultivating Focus And Refrain To Get Everything You Want

how to get everything you want - the art of focus and refrain
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We want it all.

Money, love, success, health and happiness.

But it doesn’t come easy, ever.  Especially if you “want it all.”

What I’m about to write here is very simple, very powerful and NOT sexy.

I know, because I’ve tried the shortcut methods, you know the “easy” systems, and they’ve gotten me nowhere.

(This article also assumes you know generally what you want already.)

So in looking at how to get everything that you want, we need to start with some powerful questions.

  • How badly do you want what you desire?
  • What are you willing to give up, to get everything that you say you want?  Are you willing to pay the price?

You see, to get that big payoff in dedicating yourself to the mission of how to get everything you want, there’s going to be a cost and sacrifices.

Are you willing to make them?  If so, then read on.

PART 1: Generating strong focus, by clearing defining what you REALLY WANT.

The Big

We must think big to steer ourselves on the course towards what we truly desire, and also to expand our limits of what we think is possible (belief is often at the root of this see the post on Changing Self Limiting Beliefs).

That’s what inspires us, propels us towards what we want.  If you aren’t super-passionate and ultra-excited about your long-term goals and dreams, then you probably really don’t want it.  Seriously.

The Small

But also just as important,  are the small steps and goals on the path to achieve our wildest dreams.  They help build momentum and keep us going with all the sweet, small victories along the way.

Not only that but they help you to enjoy all the little moments and to be present.

This is where I rave over and over again about mindfulness, and it’s part of the solid foundation that I used to approach my entire existence in the universe, as well as getting what I want, big and small.

Hard Frickin’ Work!

There’s no shortcut for hard work, and if you are passionate about getting everything you want, this won’t be an issue.  If you aren’t willing to do the work, then you don’t REALLY want it, do you?  I know, it’s so boring and unsexy.

But hard work isn’t hard work when you are clear on what you want are truly passionate about it.

Being Dead Honest and Dynamic

You need to be DEAD honest with yourself here.  I am constantly checking in with myself on what I want, and if I still want it.

Because you know what, it’s OK to change what you want.  Just like life is dynamic and ever changing, so are we.

Example:  I used to want to be a rock star, no doubt.  I wanted the money, the women, the respect in at least some circles.  And I’m proud to say I’ve become a pretty good singer, guitarist and songwriter.

However, I just wasn’t willing to pay the price.  Talk about a hard job…on the road all the time, being under artistic scrutiny, etc.

I couldn’t live on the road constantly.  I wanted the success to come to me, without truly doing the hard work it requires.  I love to play music for fun and I’m passionate about it, just not passionate enough make it my life’s mission.

AND…I’m very happy to say that my life’s mission is unfolding before you, right here. I woke up one day realizing how much time I’ve put into evolving myself, non-stop for the past six years.

I woke up and said “hey, I love this stuff and I want to help others with it! That’s it”.  You have no idea how much of an attitude of gratitude I’ve developed since discovering this as my life’s passion.

I’m dead clear on this now.

And guess what?  If that changes someday, cool!  I don’t feel that it will, but we have to allow for flexibility in our lives and with ourselves.

We truly are capable of so many different things – we are truly “Renaissance beings”.

PART 2: The Art of Refrain

I truly feel that refrain is the BIG secret that adds so much power to you as an evolving dynamo of a human force in the universe.

I like to think of it this way, if I’m good at focusing on what I want, and doing what it takes, that’s only part of the equation.

The other part is to refrain from doing what I don’t want, and what takes me away from my passion and focus.

I recently came across a passage in Pema Chodron’s When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times talking about refraining.

In the past whenever someone would say “just don’t do that” I would roll my eyes in my mind, and be like “yeah right”! I need to just do what I want, and forget about NOT doing something.

Well, when I read this passage by Pema, I really woke up this time, purely on the fact that I respect her so much, because her teachings helped me in getting through a very difficult time when my mother died of Lou Gehrig’s disease.

Because the word “refrain” isn’t at all sexy (yet it is extremely powerful).

Here’s what she had to say:

“The next step is refraining.  Mindfulness is the ground, refraining is the path. Refraining is one of those uptight words that sound repressive.

Surely alive, juicy and interesting people would not practice refraining.

Maybe they would sometimes refrain, but not as a lifestyle…refraining is the quality of not grabbing for entertainment the minute we feel the slight edge of boredom coming on.

It’s the practice of not immediately filling up the space, just because there’s a gap.” (When Things Fall Apart, pp 42-44)

That hit me like a ton of bricks.  How when I’m afraid or resistant to do something, I’ll run often run away, seek out stimulus via a snack, or turn on the TV, etc.

Or when I’m “bored” I’ll do the same, instead of focusing on completing this post, designing a course to help people get what they want out of life, or go to the gym.

Think of the implications of refraining for cultivating a state of presence where you can focus on what you are experiencing, what you need to get done in alignment with what you want.

Imagine the implications for achieving your life’s goals, getting and staying healthy, and even making love.  It’s just so powerful – it’s mind blowing.

So I’ve been watching how I procrastinate, resist and “do fear”.  When it shows up, I practice refraining from running away.  I refrain from not letting myself experience the uncomfortable emotion that arises.

When I start to get stressed or overwhelmed, I refrain from continuing to scurrying around, slow down, get into my breath and get present.

It’s so simple, magical and powerful. The beauty of refraining is that even if you have “gone away” or into a cycle of fear and resistance, you can start right then and there.

It’s something that is lacking from a pure Law of Attraction approach, and in my eyes is critical to the package of well-being and success.

So to recap, we’ve got to be clear on what we want, focus on the big and small, and practice refraining to get the most bang for our buck, to widen and deepen ourselves…our experience of life…and our results in getting everything that we want out of life.

Leave your comments below, as always I love to hear from you.







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