Underestimating The Value Of What You Know

Matters 6Everyone reading this has some kind of knowledge or wisdom that can help others – and might be really valuable for them.

What seems like common sense or basic knowledge to you, is a potential treasure trove for someone else.

On our second coaching call, I explained to a client (let’s call him Charles) about how almost all of us in the Western world are conditioned from a Do-Have-Be model.

Do this, Have that, Be happy.

For example, workout alot, get an amazing body, and then and only then you’ll be happy. Or find the right person, get that amazing relationship and then you’ll be complete.

I explained how there’s no long-term fulfillment in that way of living. That a much better one is Be-Do-Have.

Be happy, then you can Do whatever you want, and Have it. Or not.

Your fulfillment isn’t tied to doing or having. Not to say one shouldn’t workout and have a great body, make lots of money, or be in a relationship – but that none of those things bring fulfillment, at the end of the day.

Not to mention other benefits to getting results when we come from well-being and the kind of more relaxed flow-states this approach can bring.

I explained all of this as clearly as I could to Charles. At this point in my life, Be-Do-Have to me is Personal Development 101.

But for him this was to become life-changing, so I slowed down and explained it. Nothing shifted for him on the call per say that day.

Here’s what Charles sent me the next day:

“I was out for a walk this evening when the “be-do-have” principle that you mentioned hit me like some kind of divine revelation. It instantly changed my entire life.”

Honestly, Charles having insight into it reinvigorated this for me, too. This is where as a coach you sometimes get blown away that you get paid for this kind of work, because your client having insight enlivens you, and wakes you up even more to what you already know, but often in a deeper way, or seeing another level or layer of it.

As my original coach trainer Julio Olalla would more-or-less say “in a conversation we change together. To con-verse means to “change together.” We become one.”

When we spoke the next day, Charles said he was feeling freer than he had in years, like layers were shedding off with just this insight alone.

To me this was common knowledge, to him it was life-changing. Don’t underestimate what you know and the impact it can have on someone.

Here’s a question if you are willing to play:

What is it that you know, that just seems like common knowledge that could be very valuable or an amazing gift for someone else?

And if you are interested to have life changing insights to have next level success and satisfaction in work and life, you can find out about coaching with me here.

Why It’s Good to Let Go of Control

letgoWe want to control it all.

Our health.

Our money.

Our relationships.

Our…

So, what’s the truth?

The truth is we have some measure of control, on some level, but never are really in control.

We just aren’t in control, of that many things, if you really take a look.

We aren’t in control of…

…The earth going ’round the sun.

…The blood flowing through our veins, it does that on its own.

…How many thoughts our minds spit out every minute.

(Insert area of life you might want so badly to be perfect, so you can feel finally OK about life.)

The Need to Control, Gets in the Way of It

But we go around life, as if we need to control things.

As if those things were so different out there to control than our cells reproducing, or our stomach digesting food.

What if they weren’t?

Wouldn’t that be easier?

What if the need to control, was getting in the way of control?

“David!” you say.

“That doesn’t make any sense, how could needing control, pining for it, get in the way of it?”

Take a look.

How do things turn out when you are constantly trying to be in control?

My guess is pretty damn miserable. It’s an ego game, and it sucks.

Life

My Old Friend Alan

My friend Alan Watts says it best. If you have never heard him speak before, you won’t forget him now.

At the beginning, he says these amazing words:

“In giving away control, you’ve got it. You’ve got the kind of control you wanted.

You had a loving relationship with the world, but you didn’t have to make up your mind on what it should do.

You let it decide.”

(Listen below it’s 3 minutes well spent.)

Let go of control.

Watch miracles happen.

They already are.

Happening.

Out of your control.

Love,
David

Letting Go of the Separation: Spiritual Is Practical

spiritual is practical

So I had a huge epiphany on a three-week break I took over the holiday season.

Actually I had several epiphanies, but the biggest one was about the seeming separation between the “sacred and the secular.”

Said another way, the made-up separation between the spiritual and the everyday practical.

Part of this very insight was how this applies deeply to business and work, as much as it applies to life.

Letting Go into the Flow

My business has been better than ever, since I let go of trying to be successful and scramble around taking massive action, or applying the right strategies that “they” said will work for anyone. Instead of using the right strategy or magical path to success, I do what occurs to me.

Granted people have different types of businesses and work procedures to follow, but more often than not we are taught to follow what’s outside us to know what’s right, instead following the knowing that is inside of us.

I think that’s a big mistake, and it’s why I tell my clients that clarity trumps strategy. Even if the strategy laid out before us has all these fancy steps, we are taught to trust that more than just knowing the one next single step that feels right on.

It may be a strategy I learned. It may be a variation of that. It may be something totally different.

Because it’s not the strategies that are the problem, it’s the alignment for the individual or company, talking from a business sense.

This requires a real relaxation of the mind to do this, and with a busy mind it’s hard to do.

I’ve only recently started talking about this with my family, friends and clients more openly than ever, because I wanted to make sure it was REAL.

But this is about more than just business. The letting go I’m talking about wasn’t necessarily of what I’d call a spiritual nature, but it was towards letting whatever was present take over, let well-being come out naturally, and let results flow from there.

So this past year with the help of many people, I learned to let go like never before.

I tapped in, and the path to well-being and success started lining and lighting up with what felt like any effort. With way less effort than I was putting in.

No, it hasn’t all been sugar and honey, I still have fear and scarcity thoughts that rule my mind at times.

But I really saw how it was that over-effort that was getting in the way more than anything.

The Everyday Spiritual

As part of my three-week hiatus, I went on a four-day personal retreat at the Shambhala Center at Red Feather lakes here in the wintry mountains of Colorado. It was absolutely stunning. Shambhala is of the Buddhist tradition, but all are welcome. I am not a Buddhist or religious in any way, but I seem to have become quite the spiritually-minded man now.

During my retreat, I read a book that really impacted me called Smile at Fear by Chogyam Trungpa. Who was in my opinion an amazing (and controversial) spiritual teacher.

In reading and contemplating his work, I saw the false separation we often make between the spiritual and the practical and how this can cause a lot of mental and emotional pain.

Call it spiritual pain if you will.

It certainly has caused me a lot of pain when my mind separates the spiritual as something to be done alone in meditation/contemplation only, something out of this world or away from “real life.” We wonder why we go around feeling disconnected from our lives, without purpose always seeking solace in the next vice or material thing to try to find happiness.

Only to find that feeling of gratification is fleeting once we get what we want, or live in great disappointment when we don’t get what we want.

It is all an ego/mind game in the end, and I am happy to now know that this is completely solvable.

When we look deeper towards the deeper nature of reality, towards what’s true (which I term as what spirituality is really all about), we can transcend this mind game.

I am no stranger to this game and I’ve got a conditioned mind just like you – just like we all do.

Prosperity from the Inside-Out Is a Spiritual Game

By removing the separation between spiritual and the practical everyday, it doesn’t mean we have to be poor.
We absolutely can be prosperous

By intending to see what’s true and merging the sacred and the secular, it doesn’t mean we have to shut off our intellect. It means we include it recognizing it as a part of the whole, but just one aspect of everything.

We can use our heads and our hearts in unison, to live a life of great joy and purpose.

It doesn’t mean we shut away from our problems, but instead get even more real with them, perhaps looking at how our thinking alone is making these problems a much bigger deal than they truly are. Yes, even extreme problems can be shifted with thinking, which many of us have experienced whether it be serious loss of finances, health or loved ones. All of which I have my own experience with.

It wasn’t until I started getting right with how this all works, how our small minds can mislead us, that things really started shifting for me this past year.

Being “everyday spiritual” means we also have even more compassion for ourselves and others in dealing with family, at work and everywhere we go, even for the “asshole” who cuts us off in traffic, or the cranky person in line at the grocery store, who just needs a little love sent their way, because they are suffering.

So what if all we did was sacred and spiritual? I know for some reading this, it might seem radical or weird or confusing.

But bringing a spiritual sense into the everyday is inherently practical, or so I’ve found.

More than that, it’s very powerful and can even bring tremendous results that we have never imagined.

Hell, I have a degree in Molecular Biology and have a fair amount of scientific background from it. If this stuff wasn’t working, I wouldn’t be doing it.

Of course, trying to be more spiritual in order to get more success isn’t how it works. That is just inauthentic and goes against how the system works.

For others what I’m saying here, might resonate deeply.

Spiritual is practical, and if it isn’t, then it’s not a game worth playing. I wouldn’t be playing it this way if it wasn’t.

It’s Up to You

If what I’m talking about interests you, then by all means go for it. Go all out with it. I think the world needs more of it, as long as it’s in a loving way that’s inclusive.

Spirituality is awesome when we come from that place.

And whatever your current spiritual view or practice is…how can you eliminate the separation between it and your everyday, practical, “real-world” life?

Love,

David

Success the Anti-Difficult Way

falling successDoes having things easy seem like a pipe dream?

Do you ever get tired of working hard, and want an easier way to have more success in business or at work?

Ever feel burnt out and feel like you have to force or push just to keep up with things?

The answer to all these questions used to be a hell yes for me.

Until I couldn’t do the hard way anymore, even though the words challenge, hard and success all used to go together for me.

It’s a given that lots of effort and persistence are required in any field we want to master. Malcolm Gladwell has said it takes 10,000 hours to get really good at anything.

But it doesn’t have to feel hard, and that’s what we are talking about today.

The fact the when we get in the flow, succeeding can be easy.

I’m calling it the Anti-Difficult Way (which I totally made up) because I wanted to see if that caught your attention.

And because it felt creative and effortless.

Anti-difficult is what we are all about here.

Watch Out for the Pusherman

For years I listened to what I call my “internal pusherman” – the high achiever that takes action for action’s sake, to the detriment of my health AND my results in my career.

I had to let that all go, because I got so sick and tired of it. I found an easier way.

A way that is far more enjoyable AND brings great results as well.

We have a very special treat here today. It’s the first podcast ever on Everlution, with an awesome guest! This is the first podcast in what I am calling the Easy Success Podcast Series.

(Queue virtual champagne bottles. Virtual champagne is great to drink any time of the day, because you can’t get drunk, it’s really awesome.)

Anti-Difficult Success Podcast

My good friend David Secondo is a holistic business coach who helps healers of all types get more clients and grow their businesses.

We recorded this podcast in a park after playing a tennis match and we noticed how much state of mind affected our performance. So we decided to record a podcast together on how this impacts doing business/work and life.

In this short podcast, we discuss:

  • Why it’s good to go the path of least resistance and following the flow
  • Why teaming up with others is a great way to make things easier
  • Why doing what you love is key as well as having fun to avoid procrastination
  • How state of mind impacts our performance and turns difficult into easy
  • Why following the strategies and tactics (and even mindsets) of others, even though they are successful may not work well for you
  • How ancient philosophies can hold the keys to effortless success
  • Why you should slow down and go easy and not push yourself

Listen to it now – either streaming below, or download it.

Downloadable Version (Right click and Save-As)

Listening Time: 12 minutes

I hope you enjoy it on the path to easier success for yourself.

(Excuse the chirping birds in the park, they decided to join us in the background.)

With Love,

David

The Confidence Trap (Why I Stopped Trying to Build Self-Confidence)

confidence levelsI have spent a great deal of my life trying to be more confident.

I bought plenty of self-help books, attended many a seminar and even worked with coaches of all types to change beliefs, build my confidence, boost my self-esteem, improve my self-image, etc.

I used to be so insecure inside that I would be rude and nasty to people when I was in my twenties to hide my lack of confidence, especially in social situations. I just didn’t know what to do and because I lived in fear, I either lashed out to protect myself or closed up and was aloof.

I didn’t realize this about myself until recently, because I was afraid to admit how much time and money I had spent on building up my confidence. I was still covering over my desire to be self-confident and feeling like a loser for it.

I realized that for the last 15 years or so, I have been working towards an exalted and ever-living state of confidence where I would never feel fear or insecure again. Though that state doesn’t seem to exist for a human being, having a life experience rooted in self-confidence more than self-doubt, I have found to be possible, and what I have been experiencing now.

But I never anticipated the path to get here would have been what it was.

Through the years, I learned skills on how to appear more confident and fake it, to where many wouldn’t know that I lacked confidence, except for the fact that underneath felt extremely unconfident.

Because I wanted to be LIKE THEM.

When They Have Confidence, But You Don’t

I wanted confidence just like all those famous actors have, or sports stars, or top businessmen appeared to have. Or people around me that I thought were better than me, had achieved more, had more money, more fame, more women, more XYZ.

I mean don’t they have it all?

They are ALWAYS confident and have figured out the secrets, haven’t they?

That is what I believed and my projection onto those celebrities, stars and top one-percenters in their given field warped my view.

What is actually true is that the idea is just mental projection of my (socially conditioned) own, that’s it. None of it is real.

(Eureka!)

I also realized that the more I work on being confident, the more I stay stuck in always striving to be confident. Even if I am more confident, it is like I am an infinitely small step away from it, just by seeking it.

Never there, always seeking VS. “I am already there,” therefore the seeking is over.

It may sound very zen and paradoxical, and it is to the cognitive mind (at least to mine).

It never made sense in my deeper experience of life. This is NOT something I found I could change by practice some positive affirmations or doing deep-belief change work.

It was my serendipitous tripping over the Inside-Out Understanding, that helped to create a major shift in my level of consciousness, that had nothing to do with removing limiting beliefs or negative thoughts, or building confidence through all the way I had tried before. I had what I call a “crossover experience” which started at the beginning of the summer, with what the true nature of self-confidence really is.

How I Found Out that Confidence Doesn’t Need to Be Developed

I am one of those people who has traditionally been very hard on himself, like many of us are. Maybe you have been hard on yourself like I have been, too.

I get it, we were raised by people that were hard on themselves, that is how we learn it.

It’s not that I have been completely unconfident in every area of my life.

Where I have been easily confident is in areas like playing music/guitar, public speaking, and transformational coaching. These things I am fairly confident about, but that is based on my belief of my practice and skills development in these areas.

The distinction I am making here is the difference between being confident in our abilities (competence) and being confident in ourselves no matter what the area of life or skillset. Not assigning value to our true-self worth based on skills, what we’ve acquired or not, even who we think we are by role, age, stage or any other descriptor we can think of.

I am talking about fundamental, true inner-confidence.

We will never access true self-confidence when we believe confidence comes from what we do, how we act or what we have.

As someone who is not fundamentally confident in themselves might say or rationalize something like:

“I don’t know how to sell, I just don’t feel confident these days.”

We assign our inner confident to lack of competence in a skill.

“People keep telling me I’m good at writing but that’s all I know.”

We reason constantly that because we don’t know how to do other things, even though we are good at one thing, that we aren’t worth much.

Or even because we have something like…

“I’m feeling so good/confident/worthy because I have a great relationship, if I didn’t have Steve/Sara I don’t know what I’d do. I’m glad this relationship is there for me.”

And even…

“I’m feeling so confident today because my life is great. Everything is in order and that’s why I’m brimming with confidence!”

(By the way:

Confidence = Self-Esteem = Self-Worth.

They are all really the same thing.)

What you have confidence in here is your skills, something you have or something external to you, and not from inside yourself.

This is a backwards model, that will leave you starving for confidence forever. This is a simple, but a very important distinction to make.

So what is the path of least resistance to true self-confidence that only comes from within and isn’t externally based?

The Key: Self-Confidence Is Innate and Natural

Whenever we are seeking to build our confidence, we can’t be confident. We never can be – it is simple logic on one level, but it goes deeper than that.

I like to call this “profound logic” because it makes sense to both the intellectual mind, but also impacts the soul when we feel it on a deeper level that transcends everyday emotions.

When we are truly confident we are not thinking, ever, about confidence itself. We just are doing what we are doing, in the flow of the moment.

People may say “wow he’s really confident I like him.” But more often than not you ask someone who is confident what they are thinking, they are never thinking “I’m so confident.”

What I saw what actually the thought itself “I’m not confident enough and need to build confidence” generates that lack of confidence, purely and simply. It does not come from having a lack of confidence that isn’t real.

Only the thought form “I’m not confident enough” generates that experience. It may not be those exact words and something it is just a feeling underneath, but that feeling is fundamentally a thought-generated experience.

It isn’t real.

It may seem stupidly-simple, but this was something I missed for years AND YEARS.

Even until a few months ago.

It was a profound awakening to see this.

My mind still goes into these bouts of un-confident thinking. But I now know without a doubt it is just thinking that has nothing to do with self-confidence, which is quite simply a lack of this kind of thinking.

Accessing true, innate self-confidence is an UN-THINKING.

No one who is confident sits there and thinks, “Damn I’m confident, if I keep thinking I’m confident then I’ll be even more confident!”

It just doesn’t work that way. The person we may label confident (or when others may label us as confident) is just doing what they are doing, being who they are being. They probably have little or no awareness of how confident they are or not.

This natural self-confidence is the kind of confidence that gets shaken when a top tennis player who has the top skills in the world, is mentally down in a match because they are caught in their thoughts, and looking at the circumstances of what’s happening in the game to determine their confidence and performance.

That is externally dependent confidence, and it is not true confidence.

Resolving the Confidence Struggle

The top areas I have struggled with my confidence are women I’m very attracted to (especially physically – though admittedly many men seem to struggle with this one), being able to make money on my own (not via a job and in my own business through sales) and lead-singing.

Again, I was assigning my self-worth to how competent I was at these things, and confusing the issue of what self-confidence really was.

No wonder I could never have it!

Magically, my confidence has risen without me doing anything.

Feeling more self-confident by not assigning my confidence to how good I am at these things, makes me naturally better at them and able to learn and integrate skillsets quicker, because I am more relaxed, in the flow and operating with a clear mind. My mind isn’t jammed up with thoughts of needing to build up my self-confidence.

It seems that I have come to a place to stop trying to generate confidence and trying so hard in these areas, or at all. Because I finally realized that it isn’t about anything outside of me that can generate self-confidence.

It is still an unfolding process, as I am so used to working on confidence, that those thought-grooves geared towards building confidence are still quite active.

But they just don’t affect me in the same way at all.

The Crossover Experience

This is why this isn’t a belief change, but a shift in consciousness, because the thoughts are still there, but they don’t affect in the same way. I see the nature of the illusion of these thoughts that tell me I need to be more confident and that they themselves generate this experience.

If I sound like I am saying the same thing over and over, I really want this point to shine through.

This is what we’d call an major insight, or what I’d call a crossover. When we can’t unsee something and though the thoughts are still there, we can’t go back to seeing things like we did before. Much like when it was discovered the world was not longer flat, but round, you can’t unknow that.

Like in the movie The Matrix and he eats the red pill. He can’t go backwards in his consciousness. He can’t unknow what he now knows.

That is how I define a “crossover experience.”

Now, when I get caught in thoughts of self-doubt, all I have to do is simply look in the other direction away from the confidence seeking thought system, instead of trying to think myself to confidence, which has never worked in the long run.

There are certainly is something to having a skillset/competence in my examples areas of talking to beautiful women, making money as an entrepreneur and singing in order to get results (and really any area in life) but they don’t have anything to do with my fundamental self-confidence.

Lack of fundamental self-confidence also affects the performance of how I do in any of these areas, because the more relaxed and clear I am (confident) the easier things go.

The more tight and tense I am, the worse things tend to go. This has everything to do with our state of mind (I like to call it “mindstate”) and how that affects our performance in any given area.

On top of that, any skillsets are much more easily learned and integrated when we understand how to access natural confidence. Because we are relaxed, in the flow, and present without being distracted by our own worry with thoughts concerned with confidence.

Unthinking Your Way to Confidence

What I finally have discovered after 15+ years of trying to build my confidence, the thinking that has been driving this lack of confidence isn’t real.

I thought I had to do something to have self-confidence was part of the system that kept my lack of it in place.

Like Albert Einstein said –

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

Truth.

My believing this line of thinking, that I needed to build confidence, and that it wasn’t inherent for me (or all of us) has kept my mind stirred up all these years, and away from the natural confidence we all have within, as a default, innate state.

Those times when I actually did feel confident, I had no idea why and then would struggle to keep the feeling there. Which eventually would go away because I was creating more thinking that just kept me away from it.

More thought confusion, and layers on top of layers creating a thin but ever present barrier between me and my natural confidence underneath.

“See” It, Undo It

What I’ve learned is that if I simply see that this is how the thoughts create my experience of a lack of confidence (insert money fear, low self-esteem, poor self-image, etc) – I can be free of it.

By “seeing it” I mean one a deeper level of reality creation, not just “oh yeah that makes sense” but more like “OH SHIT, THAT ENTIRE THOUGHT STREAM CREATED MY LIFE EXPERIENCE! WOAH!”

On a level of profound impact, that can’t be un-seen or un-known.

It is the kind of seeing that hits you in the gut, in awe. Not just some intellectual understanding.

This is where when I work with very heady/intellectual people (I used to fall in this category) and they just think they’ve got it and want to move onto more information. They want more advice that they think will move them forward, when it is actually a lack of confidence and clarity that is really stopping them.

They are not slowing down enough to get the insight they need to transform their world from a lack of confidence into the possibility of experiencing true self-confidence from here on out.

What’s more is that I don’t have to think those thoughts. It’s not “don’t think those thoughts” but the fact that they aren’t real and I DON’T HAVE TO think them.

This is a very fine, but powerful point. I find that giving people instructions like “don’t think that thought” is never nearly as powerful as giving them the choice that they don’t have to think the thought.

Same goes for me. Tell me what to do, and I want to tell you off.

Give me the choice, and I am open to the option and probably will take it.

I can be a stubborn bastard – part of what brings you this post today has been my many year struggle with confidence and self-worth.

When my mind settles down by seeing the nature of how our experience is created by thought (both conscious and unconscious) clarity comes forth. As does well-being, peace, ease and yes…even natural self-confidence.

Without doing a thing.

The Bottom Line: We Are Made of Confidence

That is why I say we are made of confidence, it’s part of the natural space of our mind when it’s still.

No, we don’t have to meditate to have a still mind. You can if you want, but you don’t have to.

Do I feel unconfident still? Yes it happens of course, but it’s simply because I am caught in a thought-storm which would have me believe I am not confident.

It will resolve naturally if I let it, and look back to the direction of how my experience of my life is a thought-generated one.

That feeling of unconfidence isn’t real, because it comes from thoughts that aren’t real. It sure feels real, but it is not.
It’s a real mirage.

How do I know? Time and again I show myself that if I simply do not believe those thoughts to be true, it all disappears. I’m back at my default state of natural confidence.

Self-doubt and a lack of confidence is becoming like a whisper of the past to me now. But the more I realize that it’s all made up, and that there is nothing to do to be confident, that it is natural for all of us underneath any thought storms we might have.

So when learning a new subject or skill, any thought that brings in self-doubt or judgment about how well you’re doing or not, is just getting in the way of the natural confidence you have underneath.

Knowing how to access your natural self-confidence by unthinking also makes learning a given skill (like public speaking) much easier and faster integration, without thought clouding the mind and affecting your confidence to learn.

It really can be that simple when I say:

Like stardust, we are made of confidence.

This was the key I was looking for that I thought was outside of me, or that confidence had to be transferred in. All along it was right under my nose.

Special thanks and massive gratitude to those teachers, coaches and mentors that have helped me really see all of this. That includes Michael NeillAmy Johnson, and those spiritual teachers no longer with us Alan Watts and Sydney Banks, founder of The Three Principles understanding.

Don’t look outside yourself, look within and unthink your way to confidence.

It is there already.

We are made of confidence.

With Love,
David

Following Your Own Business Path

business pathOne of the most difficult things as a new or growing business owner, is to know the right thing to do.

I know that I have been overwhelmed so many times studying marketing, sales, business systems, online and offline approaches, and any shiny object that comes across my field of view while building my businesses.

I can finally say for the first time in many years, that I have a found a decision-making process that I no longer have to worry about what decision to make or what’s the right thing to do. I had a massive internal shift in how I view business, leadership, and certainly life over the past month.

It has to do with having learned how to operate from a mind state of clarity and flow (instead of using traditional goal/commitment-based approaches), which some cool and geeky researchers might call the optimal state of performance aka flow.

We all have our own decision making process whether we are aware of it or not. Sometimes it seems to guide us well, and other times maybe not so well.

I feel as if I have come to a place of higher certainty than ever before in my decision-making process, and the true test is every day.

Every day that we make decisions, choices and take action to make a difference in the world through our businesses or on our professional path.

So, What’s the Right Decision to Make?

I think most all business owners can relate to some of the following questions (just a few examples):

  • What are the right strategy to find clients? How long should I use them for, before ditching them?
  • How do I best market my product?
  • Should I borrow (more) money or just quit and get a job?
  • When is the right time to hire a bookkeeper?
  • How should we track numbers? What system should we use?
  • When do I make the leap and hire my first employee, or salesperson?
  • Do I need a website, a business card, or have my branding done first? Or do I get some clients or sales in the door first?
  • Should I go all in or moonlight (or bootstrap) and build my business slowly?

All these types of questions are constantly running through the head of a business owner when starting out or in a growth phase.

Here’s the short answer (which you have probably heard before):

There is no right time. There is no magic formula.

The right time is when you do it. The right decision is the one you make now. The right decisions are the ones you make again, and again.

The success is in the doing, and that comes from lot of feedback/failure and trying to see what’s a fit for you and your business.

So Many Strategies, So Little Time

There are lots of great business strategies and methods out there. None of them just work.

None of them are right.

The right ones are the ones you apply that work for you at a given time.

Don’t ever believe something just works. It only works if it is a fit for you.

So in the spirit of helping those business owners who might be in a current state of overwhelm trying to figure out what works, or might even be trying to copy someone else’s path to success, I was inspired to share this amazing piece by friend and fellow coach Stacy Nelson.

Although this piece by Stacy is directed towards coaches, I think it applies to anyone who’s new or still growing in their business, but is getting lost in all the business methods and strategies out there, or playing the deadly comparison game with those that seem more successful.

Enjoy.

How about the ‘ONE’?

By Stacy Nelson

Breathe…

For those coaches in the room getting distracted by big business visioning and filling your practice and six figure awesomeness and doing all the yummy dream-life stuff, STOP…

Don’t lose yourself in the bigness of your own potential.

Take a breath.

My Facebook stream is filled with coaches and everyday what I see are the messages, of who to do x-y-z with an easy 1-2-3 approach to healing your pain. This isn’t a judgement on who they are or the businesses they are creating. But I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that it makes me sick to my stomach and fills me with anxiety when I read through all the ‘more is better’ posts.

Because really… I’m in coaching to help people TRANSFORM. What an ass-wipe I would be if I assumed that everyone transformed in the same way right? To tell you that YOUR path to success looks just like MINE. 

I was talking to a couple of past group clients recently and I loved their stories.

One is making steady progress in her business, paying off all of her massive debt which accumulated when she bought into some of these expensive coaching programs and found their techniques to be out of alignment with her. We worked together to rid her of the confines of the traditional coach-as-internet marketer and built her business based on the things that lit her up, like sitting down for a cup of tea with a potential client and having a real face to face conversation.

Another went from not being able to charge at all, bartering or discounting her prices so much she might as well have, to filling up her practice with paying clients and creating her own local meet up filled with potential clients.

Another beauty is about to launch her book, concentrating on being the writer she has always been and allowing that to help her create conversations.

Another has decided that she doesn’t care for 1:1 coaching at all and has started creating and filling quarterly retreats in exotic locations instead.

Each of them did it by slowing down and really tapping into their own genius. But here’s the best part for me to hear… each of them FEELS more powerful and more calm. The striving to be carbon copies of all the people on our Facebook stream is GONE.

There is an ease and grace with which they each approach their business. They are different business owners from when they started with me. That makes my toes tingle, to know that they are free of the formulas.

AND they all started by slowing down enough to concentrate on what they most wanted to create. By relaxing their grip on the what-if’s and allowing themselves to create in the present moment, to create their lives NOW, not in a someday plan.

So what would it feel like to release some of that pressure? To allow yourself to create one client at a time? To be in alignment with the ways you personally want to create your success instead of how someone else tells you to do it?

See it really doesn’t matter what your price is. And it doesn’t matter how often you speak or where you speak. Just get one client who inspires you. Have conversations with people who have visions that light YOU up.

All of the background noise will be there, the emails and clever marketing copy will continue rolling by. You can start creating the biggest dream of your life today without listening to any of it…

As long as you start on YOUR path, not anyone else’s.

Sent with Love & Light,

Stacy

stacy_nelson

You can find out more about Stacy Nelson, her amazing private coaching and group programs at www.stacynelsonunlimited.com

Just Create

We all have the ability to create.

Everyone single one of us.

I don’t care if you are the most creative artist, a business broker, a mother, a civil engineer or a 7-11 clerk.

I have come to learn that creativity it is something innate to being human. It is just that some of us have cultivated it more than others, and in different ways. Look at all we have created over the ages.

Through ancient art and modern music.

Building massive bridges and long-spanning roadways.

Conjuring up tasty recipes and love poems.

It is all creation. It is natural.

I Have Been Creatively Impotent

I have been in a place where my so-called creative flow has been blocked for a while.

At least that has been my B.S. story that I’ve believed. It has been in my believing of the story that has been holding me back. Simple.

The story is not true, I have just made it true and giving it power. I coach people around this every week, and still I am as susceptible as the next person to this phenomenon.

Of course, I am.

I’m human after all.

I have been making excuses like:

“I don’t know what people want to hear, I’m just not sure what to write (on blogging).”

“I am tired of making videos with my webcam, I need to upgrade my video setup so I can put out higher quality videos BEFORE I make any more videos (on vlogging on my YouTube channel).”

“My music is old and outdated. I’m not playing enough and need to get back to it (on writing songs and recording an album).”

In my last coaching session with my current coach Amy Johnson, we talked about creativity. I spoke of how I have forever had the thoughts that I am no creative, even though I have penned at least 30 full songs, and many more unfinished songs. Lyrics, poems, etc.

It seems sort of absurd. But the conditioning of my mind is standing out in 3-D right now.

None of it is true if you look at the reality of what I have created. Even at some of the heights of my songwriting in the past, I had those thoughts and believed them.

Unblocking Creativity

This posting is a declaration of unblocking, simply by creating it.

I got here by simply following inspiration when it hit this morning.

(I have been playing the game of following internal flow/inspiration – that’s actually been the most powerful shift for me as of last, and drew me into publishing what you are reading here. I’ll write more on playing that game in another post.)

I was stewing around in tons of ideas for posts after watching a documentary about the biggest music promoter in the world that artists and audiences owe so much to (U2, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Rollings Stones) called “Who the F**K Is Arthur Fogel.

Here are a bunch of drafts that I’ve conjured up. Some will make it, others won’t. The point isn’t what will or what won’t make it.

The point is I am in creation. Even more important is that I am publishing this post, without perfection.

 

showing posts

 

Truth be told, I didn’t really want to create. How do I know? Because I would of if I did.

Like I am now.

Even though I feel my inner perfectionist telling me not to publish or share this post.

The clearest declaration of a want – is what you are doing right now.

It is perfectly OK to be doing or not to be doing, whatever it is you are doing.

(Mind scrambled now perhaps?)

One Message for You

I have no powerful or inspiring story in this post really, just a simple message.

If you are feeling your creative flow blocked, or that you aren’t creative, it can all change in an instant.

I just did before your eyes, and it was nothing great necessarily.

But it was a creation. That is what matters.

Regardless of how good or bad I or others may judge it to be.

Right now the floodgates are open. They may close again and that is OK.

I am just one thought, one action, one word away from creation, when I am believing I am uncreative.

So are you.

Just create.

It doesn’t matter what it is.

Create, my friend.

How to End Procrastination (in Six Minutes)

Procrastination

Procrastination (Photo credit: Alex Such)

What if I told you that you could end procrastination forever?

I bet you would never believe me.

Wait…are you calling me a liar? Or even worse a lying coach?

Ouch, that hurts! That’s my worst nightmare. I don’t like nightmares, as much as you probably don’t like procrastination if you are reading this.

Oh yeah, back to this post on procrastination.

I was just procrastinating on that.

The Six-Minute Rule

So one of my mentor coaches is called Steve Chandler. Steve is a funny, badass of a coach, and he has a very simple method of ending procrastination, right now. Like right freakin’ now.

Like when you are supposed to:

  • Call that someone you know you could help given the challenges they have been facing, but you just can’t seem to take action (for fear or laziness)
  • Train that new employee but sales are slowing down and you’d rather spend your time getting sales in the door even though you know you should train her
  • Get your shit together for your accountant because it is tax season
  • Work on systems and processes to so you can hire right – and remove yourself from boxes in your business that suck up all your time, and that you hate doing…but it just…ain’t…happening! No matter how hard you try.

How do you end this cycle of starting, then stopping? Or not even starting at all?

You are in luck, because I’ve got the genie in the bottle. That’s why I get paid the big bucks.

Learn this phrase:

“Just six minutes.”

Just commit to six minutes. That’s it.

Six minutes of starting that supposedly insurmountable, daunting task that you know you need to do to move your business forward. You don’t have to look beyond those six minutes, ever.

It’s the six-minute rule, smarty-pants.

Set your timer on your phone to, you guessed it:

SIX MINUTES.

Make it a LOUD freaking alarm. I prefer a nice ambient kind of song for my alarm. You can even make it ambient and loud.

Then, when those six minutes are up, you can choose to continue doing the task or project at hand in that moment or you can stop and check-in to see if you should continue.

Pop the Big Question

Ask yourself the all important question, when six minutes are over – and your alarm is blazing your favorite Jay-Z song:

“Self, do I want to continue (or am I enjoying) this task? Is it the highest and best use of my time to continue?

If you choose to CONTINUE good for you, you’ve won the game.

If you choose to STOP, then good for you, you’ve won the game, too.

Either way, you overcame procrastination.

Just six minutes.

Just that small commitment that can get you going on that project that might change the flow of your business, so you can keep building your significance, time, money and lifestyle.

Six minutes to end that procrastination you have been stewing in and to get moving onto what you need to do, so you can build the business and lifestyle you have always wanted.

I mean it is why you became an entrepreneur in the first place, right?

Read the book Time Warrior by Steve Chandler if you struggle with procrastination. It is a transformational time-management book, highly recommendation.

Carry on you world-changing entrepreneurs and beat procrastination dead today if it is coming at you like a time-killing zombie.

Leave your comments below on what happened when you used the six-minute rule to end procrastination.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Living From Your Greatness

greatnessI have been a hardcore self-growth junkie for the last eight years straight.

I’ve seen it all.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I have often found it is easy to want to focus on bettering my weaknesses (aka beat the hell out of myself), break through fears (after which nothing is there to inspire me), and overcoming adversity (now I’ve overcome this one, let’s find another to make me miserable!), than it is to go for living fully form greatness, passion and inspiration.

I have played that game for far too long, and far too many times.  I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of this old model of improvement, that is still around and has been ingrained in me.

Can you relate?

What if we switched our primary focus to always looking at what we are great at already, or cultivating more greatness. It doesn’t mean we don’t acknowledge our failings…but what would happen if we didn’t focus on always trying to better them?

What if by focusing on our greatness it naturally improved our “weaknesses” too?

We all have greatness in all of us. Yes it is more refined in some that others, because it has been tapped into more often, or practiced more.

I certainly doesn’t mean our own limiting perspectives  barriers, and fears  won’t come up…they will. It means that they come up as part of the path of letting greatness lead and are points of growth and learning, instead of issues to overcome.

Of course there is the flip side too, the airy fairy “positive thinking” only movements, and a lot of poppy Law of Attraction garbage that is riddled with ego-based nonsense that you can have anything you want (as if that would actually bring true joy, having more stuff). You just have to think it and it will manifest like magic. Then happiness just follows.

Bleh.

So here’s the question I have for you:

What will you choose to practice?

Overcoming your “issues” or…

Connecting into the greatness that is already there, that you’ve been ignoring that can naturally help you learn how to lift yourself up to your next level?

How to Win at the Game of Life

the game of life

“How to win…at the gaaaa-me of liiife!”

When I was a kid there was an advertisement for a game called “Life.” They sang the line above as a jingle, all happy as the family sat around the table playing Life.

I always thought “what a silly game, how could life be a game? That’s stupid.”

I think very differently now.

Life: A Game or Not?

Life is not a game in the sense that you can come back just as you were if you drive your car off the road, get into a bad accident and die.

Sorry but that’s game over for this life.

Not too long ago, I came upon the concept of “gamification” through my friend and evolutionary mentor coach Michael Stratford. He introduced me to this approach, and I am exploring it everyday.

I now am very intrigued with this idea of approaching life as if it were a game. There actually is an entire field of study in business and gamification headed by the Wharton School of Business, though Michael has been advocating this for years in his life and business coaching.

Gamification: Finite and Infinite Play

In the book “Finite and Infinite Games” there is a definition that really catches my attention. It goes something like this:

“Those who must play cannot play. Those who play must play to win.”

What does this mean? It means no one can force you to play. And if you are forced to play, you aren’t really playing. It also means to really play, you must play for the sake of play (i.e. fun).

This is playing an infinite game i.e. playing the sport of soccer for the love of it. This is the real goal to play for enjoyment, for the sake of play.

Next, we have the finite games that are like points on the line of the infinite game. In our soccer example, finite games are the individual soccer games.

In life, playing a finite game would be going for that new job interview, taking a risk to start a company, asking that girl out, or moving to a new city. A finite game is a game you can win or lose, but in order to really play you have to go for it.

Playing Full Out

So you have to play full out to really play, you must play to win each individual game (goal, project, etc), regardless of whether you win or not. Quite simply if you are playing half-assed or trying to throw the game and lose, you aren’t really playing full out.

That’s lame, don’t do that. I know, I’ve done it too many times before. I imagine we all have.

So what if you do approach life as a game, where you are playing first and foremost for fun, but also you play to win your own game of life?

Since all games have rules, can we make up some rules for this?

I say, what the hell, why not.

Some Baseline Rules to Play With

So here are some off the cuff rules to lay down to have fun and playing a winning game in life:

  • If you come from a state or frame of unconditional love (instead of fear/ego), it makes everything easier in terms of enjoyment and potential success in life. I am currently implementing this one. Believe me it is damn hard a times.
  • You will play as if you are responsible and you have choice, as if you can influence your destiny. You are “choosing” your experience.
  • You realize that in relative terms you influence your destiny, on absolute terms across the entire span of reality, you don’t really have control. This is also part of living in the paradox, which I speak about often. This will tweak out your mind, but if you look in the grand scheme of the universe, the majority of what happens seen and unseen is out of our control. (But this doesn’t mean you should disregard the rule above.)
  • Seek joy and have as much fun as possible, no matter the circumstances.

That’s it. Those are my rules so far. This is all evolving for me as I learn, transform and grow.

It is funny for me to type this, because I am not a sports guy at all. But I can grab onto the game analogy. So we use it as long as it is useful.

So what are your rules to play a winning game in life?

I would love to hear what your rules are in the comments below, so leave one if you please.